Why, Trader Joe? Why?

While stopping in to grab a quick bite from Trader Joe's today, I was informed that their fantastic Middle Eastern Lentil and Brown Rice Salad has been DISCONTINUED! Noooooooooo! Apparently it wasn't a big seller and they wanted to make room for new products. It's hard enough to find a GF ready-to-eat meal, so I'm dismayed that they've narrowed the field. (I do also like their Curried Chicken Salad, but still.)

In theory, this dish, consisting simply of lentils, rice, onions, olive oil, and sea salt, would be easy to recreate. It's mujaddara, recipes for which abound online. I have tried several times, though, and haven't been able to make my own version that tastes as good and has the same texture as Trader Joe's - not to mention the convenience factor. Lentils hate my guts, however, despite what my mouth thinks, so being forced to go cold turkey is probably a blessing in disguise.

In case you couldn't tell, today is one of the (few) days where I feel really frustrated about my food restrictions and the fact that so often I still don't feel good, despite being carefully gluten-free. In general I'm surprisingly positive and zen about it but every so often, especially when I'm stressed out, low blood-sugary, and cranky to begin with, self-pity does set in. On one hand, I'm really glad that I can never again succumb to the grossness of fast food, but on the other hand, it's such a pain when you just want to grab a sandwich, or a cup of soup and a slice of fresh bread at Panera, or a quick spaghetti dinner. Yet on the third and largest hand, I'm grateful and lucky that celiac disease is what it is -- an inconvenience, not a tragedy. It could be a whole lot worse.

Wheat dreams.

Right after my diagnosis, I would have vivid, lovelorn dreams about forbidden gluten. (Really, it is just like getting dumped.) I would wake up raging like The Hulk after dreaming of pizza. Well, some major transformation has occurred in my subconscious since then. Last night I dreamed I had a gluten-free pb&j and someone placed their regular sandwich on top of mine, rendering mine inedible. I was crestfallen. It's funny that even my dreams have turned gluten-free. Or maybe a sandwich is just a sandwich.

One of the quirks of celiac life is that, at least in my experience, you need to shop at several different grocery stores to find everything you want. This has become something of an official hobby - I enjoy checking out new stores and exploring the gluten-free items. Even if I'm not interested in the products, it's still dorkily thrilling to see what's out there. (Many of my non-GF allies have gotten into the game as well.)

Newark Natural Foods, a local co-op, is a must for gluten-free staples and treats. The prices are steep (things are usually priced above Whole Foods, which doesn't exist in Delaware anyway, though I suppose that's the cost of supporting independent stores) but I like their selection of organic produce and their huge range of GF miscellany, most of which is conveniently labeled as such on the shelves, that can't be found at chain supermarkets.

Some highlights of today's new-to-me GF haul include Flamous Falafel Chips, which are, as advertised, delicious with hummus, and Amaranth's hot dog buns. If you forget what you used to know about hot dog buns, these are quite good - they're more like a whole wheat/multigrain bun. (Which, in fact, they are. They're made with a brown rice, millet, amaranth, tapioca, coconut starch, and arrowroot flour blend.) Not that I recommend eating hot dogs often, especially given yesterday's monumentally non-shocking news, but I've had a craving. At $6 for four buns, I am reminded that GF life is not for the faint of heart and/or wallet.

Celiac 101.

ce·li·ac also coe·li·ac (sē'lē-āk')
adj. Of or relating to the abdomen or abdominal cavity.

[Latin coeliacus, from Greek koiliakos, from koiliā, abdomen, from koilos, hollow; see keuə- in Indo-European roots.]

I love words and I am from that disappearing breed of sticklers for spelling and grammar. So I'll start this blog at the very beginning (a very good place to start) and establish that it's not "celiacs" or "celiac's" disease, just as it's not "cardiacs disease." (But you can say celiac as a noun, as in "person with celiac disease.") Whew. Sorry. That's off my chest now and I feel much better.

Celiac disease is a hereditary autoimmune disorder marked by the inability to digest gluten, a protein found in wheat, barley, and rye. The immune system starts attacking the villi of the small intestine and this wreaks all sorts of havoc and unpleasantness. Someone with unaddressed celiac disease is at great risk for cancer, osteoporosis, anemia, infertility, and other serious problems. Symptoms vary widely and don't always present in a typical manner, so diagnosis may be extremely difficult. A blood test and intestinal biopsy are the current gold standard for diagnosis.

Until I was diagnosed, I didn't give much thought as to why I was suddenly seeing "gluten-free" on so many food labels. But it's not a trendy diet; the gluten-free diet is not remotely the same thing as low-carb or Atkins. For folks with celiac disease, gluten is poison and being gluten-free is being poison-free. We can't have "just a taste" because that's sort of like a tiny taste of Drano. Molecules are enough to cause intestinal damage. It's a zero tolerance situation and it is astounding to discover all the places where the enemy lurks (seriously, lip gloss?!). It's not a matter of "oh, she can pick out the croutons" because one breadcrumb can be enough to make trouble. We have to be careful about not only what we're eating, but how it was processed and how it was prepared. Being gluten-free is a serious game-changer and it requires constant, lifelong vigilance.

When I was diagnosed this past January, it was a total shock. "Beth! This is so interesting!" gushed my doctor. ("Interesting" isn't the word you want to hear in regard to medical procedures.) She had me tested on a vague curiosity and my tTG levels came back among the highest she'd ever seen. I had been feeling increasingly sick for at least 2 years but I was sure it was stress, malaise, or an overabundance of pad ki mao. I tried to eat well but couldn't identify the dietary culprit. Not only did I feel gross all the time, but I'd become accustomed to it; I'd forgotten what normal felt like. But I was certain I didn't have celiac disease!

So I was completely stunned and it only got worse as I researched the list of now-verboten foodstuffs. SOY SAUCE?! Only the most clever and vengeful god could dream up such a punishment for me. As a fiercely independent person (Sagittarius in the house), I resented the sudden restriction on my most basic liberty - eating! - and as a foodie I was devastated by the thought of not being able to dine and explore freely. I mourned for so many favorite dishes I would never taste again, and some early experiments with subdelectable gluten-free products left me teary and hopeless.

Now, lest you think this blog is nothing but wallowing, here comes the happy part. Mostly, as Shauna James Ahern of Gluten-Free Girl fame has written, it is so lucky to have a disease where (a) the damage is reversible, and (b) the only treatment is food! Instead of dwelling on what we can't eat, it's so much more productive to think about everything we can eat. Meats, fish, veggies, fruit, rice, potatoes, legumes, alternative grains - they're all a-okay. Thai and Indian food, two of my favorite cuisines, are still largely open to me, to my great joy. I've even discovered honestly fabulous gluten-free bread. It was a turning point for me to realize that much of what I now live without is stuff I really don't need to eat anyway. All that processed, super-refined stuff that's barely food? Cookies, muffins, French fries? I don't need that. Like most breakups, it's awful at first but soon you look back and wonder why you wasted your time with that jerk.

I am now more than 3 months gluten-free and nearly-dairy-free as well. Yes, it can be challenging, especially with dairy also on the hitlist, but in general it's rewarding to look healthier, to help my insides slowly recover from all that abuse, and to feel great about all the delicious REAL food I now eat. I've even cozied up to vegetables for which my disdain had been legendary (roasted tomatoes, I'm talking to you); who am I now to hold a pre-adolescent grudge against any foods I can still consume?! For further confidence-building on the matter of Real Food and the pitfalls of the Western diet, I recommend reading In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan if you haven't already done so. I was already on board the organic/sustainable/healthy train, but now I'm even more committed. My health depends on it.

I plan to use this blog to provide more information about celiac disease, to review and discuss products and restaurant experiences in the Philadelphia/Delaware area, and to share my adventures in living well on wheat-nothings!

Thanks so much for joining me.